


Cracked Glass

by I_am_a_Ruin



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Draco is emotionally stunted, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kisses, Harry is a bit sassy, Internalized Homophobia, Love/Hate, M/M, Malnutrition, Physical Abuse, Sharing Pain, Tough choices, Trauma, Verbal Abuse, domestic abuse, fearing for life, heavily implied homophobia, living in fear, maybe a little fluff, sorta eating disorder but not entirely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 15:21:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13743750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_am_a_Ruin/pseuds/I_am_a_Ruin
Summary: Draco has grown up with an abusive father whom he loves despite everything. He finds himself relating to the person he hates most due to their situations and things sort of spiral out of control.





	Cracked Glass

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Magic Runs the Halls, Runs the Walls, but Most of All? Magic Is for Us All.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12887511) by [SpaceOut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceOut/pseuds/SpaceOut). 



> Warning: This does seriously address abusive relationships and various struggles that victims can have. I want this to be more of a realistic addressing of the implied and more than heavily implied abuse in the series for these two characters. I also want to warn anyone tempted to read this that if you have experienced physical/verbal/sexual abuse to please not read this or if these kinds of situations could be possibly triggering for you.

He wasn’t sure if love was something that was beat into you or if it was just a general desire to protect, even it was painful. What he did know was that love was not like the books. Books written by foolishly happy folk that had a perfect family and never a stormy cloud in their life did not understand love. Because he loved his father and his father loved him and it was nothing like families he had read about. 

Draco showed his love with his quiet and his father through biting words and a slip of his cane. 

If you love someone, you protect them at all costs. Which is why he didn’t let Weasley say shit about his dad. If his hands weren’t so fragile and skin so easily bruised, he would’ve slugged that dimwit first thing. As it was, Ronald Weasley had to get a hose for the fire in his hair. Not that it would have actually burned him or anything, and his hair would grow back.

Harry Potter, on the other hand, was a strange case. Even though Draco hated him for all he was worth (which was quite a bit if the rumors were true) after the snub their first year, he could sense an understanding between them. They never addressed it, and Draco would be damned if he was going to admit this without a heavy dose of Veritaserum, but whenever he found Potter crying in corridors, he quietly stood guard to make sure no other students bothered him.

So that left the issue of whether love was something you were trained to do or if it was an instinct. 

He was pretty sure his love for his father was anything but instinctual. Draco was far from stupid. He knew his situation was less than ideal and certainly not a norm, but he was used to it. He knew after all these years that even when hatred was bubbling in his stomach and he was certain he would finally tell  _ someone  _ about the drunken episodes, no matter what awful slurs were uttered, each moment was deserved and even had some kind of loving message behind them. No matter how many bruises there were, some attention was better than none. And there was frequently none that had Draco all but grovelling for a single word.

But Harry… he wanted to protect him even though he hated him and protection to Draco was a sign of love... Which meant Draco Malfoy was fucked. If his father only knew…. it would be a whole lot more than the occasional whacking. Instead of beating love  _ into _ him, he’d beat the ever-loving gay  _ out _ of Draco. And Potter would probably do the same if he was honest with himself.

And then came fifth year when Draco came to school first day with a black eye. Potter had actually tried to ask him about it. Furious and reaching a peak in his internal battle and outward hatred for just about everything, he joined Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad and spent the rest of the year torturing Harry for everything he was the worth. 

People would assume that Draco would be relieved when his father went to Azkaban, but he just traded in a man who loved him for a man that would use him and didn’t give a shit if Draco was dead or alive.  

And that’s when Potter had the balls to kiss Draco which only made everything worse. Draco’s face was blotchy and gross from crying and his hands were sweaty from the dual they had gotten into (luckily neither harmed). And Harry was just staring at him those green green eyes and a slightly confused, dopey grin that Malfoy wanted to bite off or kiss until it was bigger and more certain. And then he decided right that moment that Harry would never ever feel a single thing Draco had while growing up. Harry would be pampered and protected and would smile like that every day.

“No witty retort, Malfoy?” Harry chuckled almost to himself and Malfoy could feel his breath on his face they were so close and he wanted to kiss him again. “Why does this always happen?”

“What?” Draco asked, searching the depths of those emerald irises.

“Everyone I kiss cries. Am I really that bad?” Harry wanted to know and then Draco Malfoy was sobbing into Harry Potter’s chest (which was painfully thin and kind of broke Draco’s heart). 

Harry let him cry himself out (and Draco felt hot shame for letting someone see him cry but he couldn’t stop), just holding him awkwardly. It was strange but oddly comforting. And then his gasping sobs turned into small, annoying sniffles. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Harry asked slowly, sounding terribly uncomfortable. 

Draco wanted to protest. The crying was emotion enough for one day but then suddenly he was spilling his last few months (leaving out his mission to kill Dumbledore, of course) and how much he missed his father.

Harry looked surprised. “How can you miss him?”

“Of course I miss him, don’t you miss your aunt and uncle?” Draco asked, confused.

“Not even a little. I can’t wait to get out of there for good.” Harry shook his head.

Which just confirmed Draco’s suspicions that the situation was much worse for Harry than Draco. At least his father loved him.

“Look, it’s time for lunch. Can we talk after?” Draco asked, taking a deep breath. He needed a minute away from all the tense emotions in that tiny lavatory. 

Harry seemed to deflate, just a little. He nodded, staring at the tiles like they were interesting. Potter had a knack for doing that, pretending that some ridiculous thing was interesting when he didn’t want to let someone see his emotions. Draco decided to let it be for now, they both needed to clear their heads.

Harry left first because Draco needed to wash his face off. By the time he got to the Great Hall, he felt much calmer. He walked to the Slytherin table with his usual swagger and sat between his two closest friends. And while he kept up normal conversation, he felt ostracized. It had been creeping up on him since his father was arrested, but that day the feeling was paramount. He got distracted and found himself staring at a certain Gryffindor. And that certain Gryffindor was pushing his food around with his fork. The longer Draco watched the more worried he became. Harry occasionally lifted food to his mouth, but he never ate a thing. He acted like he was eating, Draco could see that was the point, but he  _ wasn’t _ eating. 

He wanted to believe it was just nerves, but he couldn’t stop remembering how  _ thin  _ Harry had felt as he was pressed against him. Maybe he was hiding behind layers but Draco was becoming worried that he was severely malnourished.

As soon as lunch was finished, Draco raced after Potter, being careful to make it seem like he was just rushing to class. He managed to pull the boy aside without disturbing the rest of his friends. 

Harry Potter was smirking at him. He wanted to wipe that smirk off his face because parts of him still hated the Boy Who Lived. But right now, there were things far more important than Draco’s confusing emotions. Harry wasn’t eating and that needed to be sorted out.

“Is this going to become a thing now? Are we going to snog before classes where no one can see?”

“Potter... “ Malfoy shook his head because he was totally ridiculous. “Maybe, I don’t know. But we need to talk right now. So please just… I don’t know… take this seriously because I don’t handle emotions well. But I really need to know, so please don’t make me beg. I don’t beg either-”

“Stop rambling and just ask me whatever is bugging you so we aren’t late.” Harry was being gentle and nice and that made this harder.

“Why don’t you eat?” The question was harsh and cruel and made Harry’s face fall and no, that wasn’t supposed to happen. Dammit.

“I  _ do ea _ \- no. Sorry. That’s just habit.” Harry was breathing oddly but he was making clear attempts to calm down so Draco let him calm himself down and waited for an answer. “Sorry. I… They don’t feed me. I mean… well, they don’t starve me and sometimes I have to risk getting beaten just to sneak something to eat because sometimes they do let me starve and I begin to think they really would just let me die in my room if I stayed quiet for long enough or if they were pissed enough. And I get here and I eat so much the first week I get really sick  _ every time.  _ And so I don’t eat much the rest of the year because I just… my body can’t handle it. But if I don’t eat people worry and they don’t  _ understand _ so I make it seem like I do eat. And I do… just not the amount you eat. And I know I should try to work myself up to ‘normal’ portions but then I’ll go back to starving over the summer so… until I move out, I do what I have to. So please just… let it go, Malfoy.” 

The words came out in a rush, a flood that knocked Draco off his balance. And Harry was actually pulling on his own hair, looking to Draco, a boy that he had despised for five years prior, for reassurance.

He wanted to fight for Harry, to march straight to Dumbledore and demand that Harry live somewhere else. Somewhere safe. But Harry didn’t want that, Draco could see it in his eyes. And frankly, Draco couldn’t risk that. Not with his mission and not with his sexuality on the line. His father would get out and he would know and Draco couldn’t let that happen. So Draco would have his secret love-hate relationship with the stubborn, headstrong Gryffindor until the world made sense and things were safe and he would stay quiet because that’s what he did. He kept secrets for the people he loved even if it wasn’t the  _ right _ decision. It was for the overall  _ best  _ outcome. And Draco knew which meant he could be someone Potter could talk to and trust and one day, it wouldn’t be so bad. 

“Okay, Potter. Okay. Just… don’t go dying on me. Can’t have people saying I killed you.” Malfoy teased because it was the only way he could think to respond.

And Harry actually laughed and that was why Draco was certain he had made the best decision out of a really tough situation. He promised, then and there, that one day it wouldn’t be like that. Harry wouldn’t have to hide anything because he would be happy and healthy and Draco would be too and not a single person would threaten that. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you or someone you know is stuck in an abusive home, please advocate. Speak up and don't stop until something is done for you or this person. Tell someone you trust that can help, file a report or call a hotline. Don't stop talking. Don't give up. Someone can and will help you if you are patient.  
> Comments are appreciated.


End file.
